Broken Key
by Mitsukai Tacchi
Summary: SHINee one-shot, JongKey- That was all I was, I remember thinking as I made my way towards the apartment’s only bathroom. All I was; a Broken Key. Has a happy ending! I can't break JongKey, I just can't This was my first ever SHINee one-shot!


Broken Key

It was one of those days. It was the kind of day when everyone was gone and I was alone and I had enough time to _think._ Thinking was never a good idea. When I began thinking I couldn't stop and before long I just had to face what I was always trying to avoid thinking about. It would always pop into my mind like an incessant reminder constantly pushing me further and further towards insanity until I couldn't take it anymore and I just had to cry.

I remember standing in our small foyer. It was mid-day but the weather was overcast and the gloominess seemed to force its way into every inch of our apartment. I had left the lights off in hopes of cutting down energy costs; we were still getting glares after the month Taemin and Minho ran up the bill by playing their new video game non-stop.

The rest of the band was gone for the day. Jinki had taken our youngest two out to give them a bit of a break; he always was a great leader. And you, you were out with your friends again. So I was home…alone…again.

Anyway, I remember that I was in the foyer and the lights were low. I couldn't see well thanks to losing my glasses again and Jinki wouldn't get home with my contact refills until late that night. I was trying to find your jacket I believe. That morning you had complained for an hour over the loss of your favorite jacket before you finally gave in and wore mine. We were an unorganized bunch weren't we?

I searched for almost half an hour before I finally found it buried in the closet beneath Minho's dropped vest and behind Taemin's down jacket. I was so happy because I wanted to see the look on your face when I gave it to you when you got home. And then I found something else that made my heart sink, what was left of it anyway. As I pulled your heavy jacket up a small white packet gently fell out of the pocket and drifted to the ground.

At first I couldn't even tell what it was due to the dim lights so I gathered the small packet and your jacket in my hands and trudged down the hall and into our well lit kitchen. I sat your jacket on the end counter knowing that you would see it when you came in. You always had that routine of leaving your car keys there, funny how you could never seem to find them and had to ask me to help you look. They were always, always in the same place; you silly boy.

And then I looked at the packet. My conscience was telling me to leave it alone; it was your personal business after all. But then…I am the mother of the group. Maybe it was my maternal instinct, maybe I was insane, but I flipped the unsealed tab open and emptied the small envelope of its contents.

Inside was a single picture. You were in it but that's not what made my heart fall. No, it was the girl wrapped tightly in your arms. Her thin arms were curled around your chest ever so tightly and your muscular ones were protectively clasped around her. I recognized the smile on your face immediately. It was the one that you wore only when you were truly, truly happy. Not the one you wore during interviews, we all know that they bored you to death. Not the one you wore when Jinki failed at being funny and you didn't have the heart to tell him that he failed, hard. No, it was the one you wore on stage in front of all your fans. The one you wore when you were on top of the world. The one that I had dreamed of you wearing when with me; I was the dreamer wasn't I?

I felt my hands begin to shake as the gloominess in the room finally sank its claws into me. I felt the grip of reality slowly but surely burrow into my heart and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I cried.

I felt the unwanted tears cascade in a burning waterfall down my face as I set the offending picture on the table and turned around. It felt as if the room was closing in on me and my dreaded claustrophobia began setting in. I felt like there were a million hands crushing me until I could barely expand my lungs to pull in the needed air and I couldn't help but laugh.

I laughed and laughed because I was so stupid. I was so foolishly in love with you and you didn't even know it. I couldn't believe how deep I had let myself sink, how broken I was. So broken I didn't think I could be mended. That was all I was, I remember thinking as I made my way towards the apartment's only bathroom. All I was; a Broken Key.

The moment I stepped into the cold room I regretted it. I had to look at myself in that mirror. I always went there when I was upset; it was the only place that I could get privacy in that whole apartment. Stupid of me to go there when there was no one else home.

I stared at my reflection for a long time. My eyes were already red from crying and my face was a drawn pale. My hair was un-kept and my jaw was trembling from the intense exhaustion I felt. How could anyone as utterly perfect as you ever want someone like me?

And that's when I lost it. I couldn't deal with the angst anymore. I couldn't keep holding it in. I felt like if I didn't find some way to just let it out I was going to burst and there would be no one to put the pieces back together. And so I used the only outlet I could think of.

I slowly raised a trembling hand in front of my face and stared at it. I felt all of my stress, pain, and anger boil to the surface in a sudden rush of adrenaline and I did it. I pulled my wrist to my mouth and sank my sharp teeth into it.

Of course, it had the opposite effect. Instead of giving me an outlet if only fueled my already erratic mood. I turned and swiftly punched the wall. My tears increased until I could barely see and I sobbed until I could barely breathe.

I began using my other hand as well. I could feel when I sometimes busted small holes in the sheetrock and when my hands would graze a rough piece of wall resulting in a stinging pain shooting up my knuckles but I just didn't care.

I don't know how long I attacked the wall, that part is all foggy. But I do remember a loud voice yelling my name a second before a strong, firm arm wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me backwards. I remember perfectly how tightly you held me as you tried to control my thrashing. I could hear you yelling my name but I was too far gone and you were the last thing I needed.

"Key stop! You're hurting yourself!" You had screamed and you were right. I was hurting myself but I needed that hurt. I needed physical pain to replace the mental anguish I went through on a daily basis.

I didn't stop. I remember desperately trying to free myself from your embrace, ironic how your embrace was exactly what I was crying over. I pushed and yelled and kicked at you but you didn't let go. You just clutched me desperately to your chest and cried into my back.

After what seemed like forever but in reality was probably only a minute you roughly pulled me to the ground. I could feel your chest rapidly rising and falling and it somehow calmed me down. I felt my breathing begin to slowly slow until its rate matched yours perfectly, breath for breath. I felt the wet spot on my shoulder where you had shed tears and that confused me. Why would you be crying over me?

"Leave me alone, Jonghyun." I panted as soon as I came back to my senses. I was too exhausted to even open my eyes but I knew that I needed to get out of your arms. If I stayed too long I'd just want more and I knew that was impossible.

"No." You replied angrily and tightened your arms. "What the hell were you doing?"

"Nothing just let me go." I snapped and reached up to try and pry myself out of your grasp. The moment I tried to use my hand a burning pain ripped through my fingers and up my wrist. I let out a sharp gasp and my eyes flew open with a startled jump. I felt myself go weak in your arms when my eyes landed on the spots of blood coloring the backside of my hand and wrist. The sight always made me sick, maybe that's why you pushed my hand back down.

"Not until you tell me what happened. Kim Kibum you almost have me a heart attack. Do you know what it feels like to come home and hear sobbing and loud punches? Do you know what it feels like to run back here and see you hurting yourself like that?"

"You wouldn't understand." I sighed and pressed my eyes tightly together. I began taking slow deep breaths through my mouth and gently laid my hand back on my lap. "You could never understand."

"You'll need to tell me sometime." You said and I let my tired head rock back onto your shoulder. I knew I would regret the move later that night but in that moment…I just wanted you to hold me. Just let me pretend for a little while that you're mine.

When you received no answer you roughly pushed me into a more upright position and I knew that my fantasies were over. You were back to yourself, the Jonghyun that picked on me non-stop and couldn't care less if I was dead.

"You're such an idiot." You sighed as you stood and then pulled me to my feet by grabbing my shirt.

"I know." I replied and cracked my eyes open. I took a wobbly step forward and than had to catch myself on the edge of the marble sink to keep myself from falling. I thought it was my imagination but I could have sworn that I saw your arm twitch as if to catch me. "You can go now, I'm sorry."

"I'm not going anywhere. Just sit down." You snapped and pushed me towards the closed toilet angrily. When I lifted my head I caught a glimpse of the wall…what was left of it. There were holes scattered everywhere and with a nauseating realization I noticed the spots of red.

"Jinki's going to kill me." I groaned and dropped my head again, letting my eyes fall shut in the process.

"Yeah probably." You mumbled. I could hear you digging around in the bathroom closet but I couldn't bring myself to look up.

"You're such an ass."

"Yeah, I am."

A few moments later I felt a towel land on my lap and I reluctantly opened my eyes again.

"What are you doing? Can't you see I want to be alone?" I asked irritably.

"Yeah, but do you think I'm going to pass up pissing you off?" You asked and sat a small brown bottle on the counter. You quickly lifted my hands off of my legs and placed the towel over them.

"Please leave me alone."

"No happening. Just shut up and grit your teeth." You said and reached over to unscrew the cap of the bottle.

"Why?" I asked a moment before you poured a generous portion of what I then realized to be peroxide over my torn hands. My teeth snapped together with a resounding clack as the alcohol burned its way into my cuts.

"That's why." You teased and reached up to brush my long hair out of my eyes comfortingly. I swear my heart jumped.

Before I even had a chance to reply you were gently wiping my hands with a soft towel. Of course it hurt like hell, but I couldn't help but sigh at the feeling of your hands on mine. For once you were actually treating me as a human being.

"So, now that I have you all buttered up will you tell me?" You asked.

"No Jonghyun." I snapped and pulled my hands away from you. "Please just drop it. It's too personal." I quickly jumped to my feet and strode out of the bathroom. It was a bad idea of course; I barely made it to our room before I had to grab the doorframe so I wouldn't topple over.

"Just tell me!" You yelled and marched after me. I could see the anger being to build in you face and I wished so desperately that I could. Of God how much I wanted to just tell you right then and there but I knew what would happen. None of you would ever look at me the same way again.

"No." I said and turned my face away so I didn't have to bare the burden of looking at yours. Moments later I felt your hands, strong and angry press against my shoulders. You pushed me until my back was flat against the wall before using your right hand to roughly tilt my chin upwards.

"What is wrong with you Kibum? You have got to tell me. I'm going insane here." You said. I felt the hand on my shirt tighten until I was sure you would tear it and in that same moment I made the mistake of looking into your eyes.

Dark, cold, and…full of tears. And in that moment I lost any last bit of strength I had.

"Please, I can't stand seeing you like this. I just don't know what to do. Tell me how to make it better." You said and for the first time in a long time, I saw you cry.

"I…" I started but I couldn't bring to say it. I couldn't make myself say the words that had been haunting me for years.

"Tell me!" You yelled and returned your right hand to my shirt. I felt you press me harder into the wall until it was physically painful.

"I…I love you God damn it!" I screamed and reached up to shove you away from me. I had finally said it and I couldn't help but cry again. "I love you and I can't help it!" I yelled and pushed you again, that time hard enough that you fell backwards. "I've loved you for two years Kim Jonghyun! And you hate me! I can't help it but I do! I can't control the way I feel about you but it's the truth. Now you know. I don't know why I was so afraid to tell you, you hate me enough already. Why not add a bit of disgust on top of that?"

"Don't you dare ever say that again!" You yelled and launched yourself to your feet. In less than a second you had me pinned to the wall again and you were crying and the next thing I knew your lips crushed mine with enough force to bruise and I kissed you back with as much force as I could. "Don't you dare, ever say that I hate you Kim Kibum. Don't you dare." And then my legs gave out and you held me up, you held me when I didn't have the strength to hold myself.

"I don't understand." I whispered, fully confused at the abrupt turn of events. "The picture…"

"What picture?" You asked and held me at arms length to look me in the eyes again.

"In your jacket pocket…the girl." I whispered and reached up to wipe the tears from my face.

"My…you really jump the gun Kibum." You sighed and turned to pull me towards the living room. I quickly took staggering steps after you and didn't leave your side until you pushed me onto the couch and ordered me to stay. I watched as you ran into the kitchen as fast as you could and then ran back with the picture that started it all in your hands.

"This." You said and held the picture in front of my face. "Is my cousin. She lives in Japan and a few weeks ago she paid me a surprise visit. I hadn't seen her in four years Kibum."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, immediately feeling incredibly stupid for not just asking him about it but…who would have waited around all day and then come up with some way to ask your would be lover who the girl in the picture in his coat pocket was?

"Because…I have a hard time talking to you." You sighed and sat down on the coffee table.

"Why?"

"Because I love you." You said simply and shrugged your shoulders as if it was the most normal thing in the world. I immediately felt the tears start again. "Please don't cry!" You said and jumped to your feet. "I didn't mean to make you upset! I only treated you the way I have because I didn't know what else to do."

"I'm not mad you idiot!" I cried and reached up to grab your arm and pull you down next to me. "I have never been so happy in my entire life."

"You know this changes things though, right?" You asked and cautiously wrapped your arm comfortingly around my shoulders.

"You know what?" I asked and leaned my head on his shoulder. "I really…don't care. So what if the rest of them hate us? Damn it Jonghyun as long as I have you nothing else matters...I do have you right? Because this all feels like some really weird dream/nightmare thing."

"Yeah…you have me." You replied and then you kissed me again, and much to my surprise it was an even better kiss than our first. It was sweet and gentle; a huge contrast to the violent kiss we had shared just minutes before. "And you're right. Nothing else matters." You whispered and then you were crying too.

I felt exhaustion sweep over me like a heavy hand pushing my eyes closed. The emotional rollercoaster was finally over. I knew that we had to face our group and they might not approve but at that point I was too damn tired to care. The last thing I remember was the warmth of Jonghyun's neck on my forehead before I drifted off into blissful nothingness.

*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*

"Oh…my…God." Someone cried off in the distance. I let a low groan slip through my lips and I turned and buried my head into your chest wearily.

I vaguely heard someone yelling something about a wall and holes before I felt the gently caress of your warm hand on the back of my head.

"What's going on?" I mumbled and formed a glare with my weak face. I wasn't sure what I was glaring at, but I hoped that it got the point.

"Dunno, I think someone's home." You mumbled wearily. We both froze.

"Crap!" I exclaimed and bolted upright on the cough. You followed and we both saw him at the same moment. Taemin was standing in front of the cough. His arms were crossed, his left eyebrow was raised, and he was smirking.

"Hyung!" He yelled as his smirk turned into a full blown grin.

"Did you find them? I'm going to kill them!" Jinki yelled as he stormed into the room.

"Hyung, I can explain." I said and cringed backwards into the couch.

"You better." He snapped and advanced on us angrily.

"Well…you see….we…I mean…Jonghyun and I…" I stuttered but found that I was unable to form a coherent response.

"What he means is that we…I mean…um…" You added…so much help.

"Hyung, look at them." Taemin said and bounced happily. "I think it finally happened!" He said and pointed at us. It was at that moment that I realized exactly how close the two of use were.

"What?" You asked with confusion pouring out of your voice.

"Did you two…you know…finally tell each other…about…well you know." Taemin asked and looked between us hopefully as Minho appeared in the doorway.

"We…um…" I started but stopped when Jinki's glare turned into a full blown smile.

"Well it is about time." Taemin, Jinki, and Minho said in unison.

Oh yeah, it was definitely one of those days.


End file.
